Double consciousness is a theoretical term categorized by internal conflicts spurred by an oppressive society and was initially mentioned in W.E.B Dubois's autobiographical work, The Souls of Black Folk. Du Bois discussed the African American experience of looking at the self through a racist white lens, therefore, developing double consciousness. I always found that music is what helped keep that part of me alive when my environment was trying to snuff it out. As seen in my previous reflection, I was in a constant identity crisis due to my upbringing in a primarily white neighborhood and there was nothing that tied me to my "blackness".
While reading chapter 4 of Olly Wilson's Issues in African American Music, Negotiating Blackness in Western Art Music, it was interesting to see that a duality that existed within African American music was similar to one that existed within me, having a multitude of musical influences on my upbringing. It made me feel better to look at this duality in a positive light. Instead of feeling like I do not belong to either instead both identities have helped shape me into who I am today. I always felt too black to be white but too white to be black and I was stuck at a crossroads of who I was. Wilson says "this does not mean that a composer, in any sense, is more or less "African American" when he or she writes music that appears to belong to one category or another", I am not any less black because of my upbringing.